Final cycle

Friday just gone I started my final cycle of Chemotherapy, this nearly didn't happen as on my blood test on Wednesday my platelet count was borderline at 90 (The limit for continuing is 100). I put my lowered count down to a busy week which saw Stella and I walking a fair bit with me completing the whole circuit of our Knole walk, something I haven't managed for some considerable time, I also went to Gabriel's open evening which went on much longer than I anticipated. Stella and I also partook of some more 'adult' exercise this week which probably helped to deplete me a little (nice all the same). Suffice to say that I received a phone call from the hospital early on Friday morning asking me to come in a couple of hours early to take another blood test before my treatment and that if my count hadn't improved they would have to reschedule. This was a blow as I did not want this part of my treatment to drag on longer than absolutely necessary, not least because it would throw out the time scale for the rest of the treatment, scan, result, surgeon consultation and surgery. Also we have booked to go away in half term with the kids, this change would have threatened that trip. The journey to the hospital was a bit fraught to say the least as Stella and I were both locked into our own thoughts and were not conversing in our usually upbeat fashion.

On arrival I went straight to the blood test station and had blood taken. Once again there was tense hour and half until I was called to Charles Dickens ward, where I receive my infused chemo, I was settled in to my relevant station and told that my platelet count had increased to 104 and as such I would start this cycle. Stella and my relief was palpable despite the fact that I dread the next couple of days as they can be unpleasant I was very happy with this outcome as it put everything back on schedule.

While I was being settled in Stella left to go shopping, pick up Martha from School and return to pick me up. On her way out she spoke to a family that had been in the waiting area at the same time as us. She asked how they had got on and sadly the news wasn't good for the Dad, his brain tumour had returned with a vengeance and there was no further treatment that could be given. His comment was "This cancer is a bastard" but that he was going to "enjoy what was left to him". I felt this put my concerns over delayed treatment into perspective, I felt like an ingrate. 

New arrival

Congratulations to Mark and Hannah, baby Sophie born Sunday evening 22:38hrs weight 8lb 10oz . Mother and Baby both ok, Phew!

A year in review

As I write this we are waiting for news of the arrival of Hannah and Mark's baby, she has gone in to hospital to be induced today, 21 September, the whole family is collectively holding their breath in anticipation.

Tallulah returned from a 3 week holiday in Mexico with her Mexican friend Tania. They were largely the guests of Tania's Dad and her extended family, they obviously had a great time because Tallulah hasn't stopped talking about it. However, while they were there they went to a 'witch doctor' for a 'cleansing', part of this process involved spraying the girls with a dubious chemical which removed the beautiful tan that they had cultivated previously; buyer beware has never been so apt! Fortunately the skin damage isn't permanent  although the tan will have to be worked on carefully next year.

I am neither a royalist or a monarchist but I must admit I was intrigued by the recent collage of the young and old queen made up of 5000 photographs of the proletariat. My interest was piqued by the fact that both Martha and Stella's brother, Doug, featured in the  portraits, Stella, Martha and I went to see it at Rochester Cathedral with Stella's Aunt Jean and Steph, her oldest sister, the photos of both were instantly recognisable (Doug is wearing the Christmas crown and bow tie).

This picture is particularly poignant, Doug died suddenly 2 weeks after Martha was born, they never met. As a priest he had baptised most of our other kids, Martha's full name is Martha Lily Douglas Day.

It's been a year since I contacted my GP from France and started on the road that (hopefully) I am near finishing, I start the penultimate chemotherapy cycle today (21 September). The year has truly flashed by and has been a year of changes, not just for me, but the whole family there have been pregnancies, births, marriages and deaths I have never been so aware of the life cycle.
When I look back at the blog entries I think some were quite dark in content, I don't feel this anymore I think I have come to terms with my condition, although it still has the power to scare, I am much more able to rationalise my feelings and do far less 'navel studying'. The overwhelming side effect I have from this prolonged treatment is fatigue but despite this I still try to push myself physically. I have become more grouchy as time has gone on, some of this is down to frustration but the hernia caused by the stoma has become more uncomfortable since the operation to remove the tumour. It drags on both my stomach generally and my back.
 I have recently got back on my push bike and although I can't do any off road work I have managed to 'wobble' round on the road for 4-5 miles, Stella and I still go for walks regularly and after a period of these walks getting shorter we are now expanding them again. I feel cautiously confident that I will come through this trial and continue with our life together, I wasn't always this confident.
The immediate future holds a CT scan on the 3 December, the results of which we will know on the 17th, after this we see the surgeon on the 20 December to discuss reversal of my stoma. Hopefully this operation will take place very early in the New Year.
I will retire from the Fire Brigade early in the New Year and this represents a new beginning for us, I am looking forward to that challenge. As much as I have enjoyed my time in the Fire Brigade I feel ready for a change, I dare say this last year has influenced my feelings. I see the future as a virgin sheet of paper waiting to have another story written on it, quite exciting!

Wedding and other stuff

Another eventful week, started with Hannah and Mark's wedding on Saturday (4 Aug). They were lucky with the weather and got some lovely photos between the showers.That's another daughter married off with  another grand child imminent as well. The clan seems to be expanding at an exponential rate.

  The happy couple.

The whole day was a very happy celebration and despite the fact that I managed to catch a nap between the wedding and the wedding dinner I still slept most of Sunday, I can't believe how fatigue can overtake me so completely. Still it was well worth the expenditure.

Monday we went for my Chemo review with my consultant, all is going well and she has taken me off the Fragmin! I now a greater respect and understanding for diabetics who must inject everyday. Just this step has made another difference to my outlook, it is another sign that I am getting closer to completing this phase of treatment.

Tuesday I spent the day fitting some 'naughty' new exhausts and a more freer flowing air filter to my motorbike. It took most of the day and made my stoma and hernia ache I put this down to to the constant bending over but the results! The bike sounds much more fruity I can't wait to give it a spin.

I am on leave at the moment and this has given us an opportunity to do some things that we have been promising to do.We took the youngest three up to London on Thursday, we'd been meaning to take them to the Gourmet Burger Kitchen (GBK) in Southwark for some time. It's a bit more expensive than the other more recognised burger chain but the food is very good and we will go back. We did our usual stroll back to Charing cross along the South bank and enjoyed the carnival atmosphere that the Olympics has brought to the city.

I finished the week starting my 5th cycle so I am officially over half way through. The first 3 days after the infusion still make me tired and sensitive to climate but the reduction in the dose and the warmer weather have made all this easier to deal with.

Off to work

lots of movement this week in both work and treatment.

The meeting with my oncologist was very positive, the shortness of breath I experienced looks to be coincidental and not linked to the chemotherapy. I have experienced similar symptoms before, my hay fever can sometimes spill over into asthma like traits when the pollen count is high as it has been recently. None the less I had a chest xray and will see my GP about Ventolin inhalers. he (oncologist) has also reduced the level of oxaliplatin by 20% and reduced the steroid I take in the 3 days after infusion following my feedback about the last cycle. I have had the 4th infusion today (Friday) and, fingers crossed, I feel more comfortable than any previous cycles, however its early days.

Stella has gone to Portugal, this weekend, with her sisters to celebrate Kate's (youngest sister) 50th Birthday. I hope they have a great time, times have been a little cruel for the whole family this year and a break, however short, will do them all good. God knows Stella has earned some R&R, still it felt odd to go for my infusion without her 'hand to hold' as it were. Tallulah is the head of the house in Stella's absence, she is more than capable and has her Mother's strength of character.....boys beware!!

This was my first week back at work, albeit on light duties, I have managed to install the remote access (with a massive amount of guidance!) on the laptop and have already started doing some work. I think it will take a while for me to get up to speed with what is happening in the 'borough' but I've broken ground. I feel like a switch has clicked over in me changing from sickness to recovery. 


I went in to Croydon for my return to work interview and to get a brief from Nigel about what I will be expected to do. I want to try and get into the office at Tooting twice a week to start with and work from home for the remainder, of course this very much subject to how I cope with managing the work treatment balance. The picture is me on my first day back almost wearing my uniform. I have since managed to tuck my shirt in without impeding my stoma and bag. I also went to Tooting this week, as I got out of my car I felt as nervous as I did when I walked into Thamesside's (Gravesend Fire station) yard in 1983, I can't really explain this except to say I'd been in the wilderness a long time. There is a saying in the Fire Brigade 'finger in a bucket of water', when you go the space you leave back fills and you are forgotten. I needn't have worried Green Watch couldn't have been more welcoming , it brought a lump to my throat.

Busy week

This cycle I have been quite sensitive to the cold particularly in my fingers I have also experienced some shaking nerves in my hands throughout the cycle. My 'telephone review' ended with me not having infused chemotherapy today (Friday) but having a consultant review on Monday with some peripheral tests to gauge a potential side effects from the Capecitabine. I have felt quite breathless in the last week or so and this may be indicative of of a reaction to the drug, my oncologist has already reduced the daily amount of Capecitabine by 1 gram to 3 grams a day, a significant amount. In general, I think this has made this current cycle more comfortable than the previous two. Assuming the tests are successful I will have my infused chemo next Friday (20 July). I am hopeful that the results of these tests will result in further amended therapy that will make the next few months even more comfortable. Looking at some forums I can see that I don't seem to be suffering as badly with the chemotherapy as some.

There is a definite positive to this change, previously I would have had my infusion the day before Hannah (3rd daughter) and Mark get married in August. I was genuinely concerned that I wouldn't be fit enough to attend the church let alone walk Hannah down the aisle. This schedule change puts the infusion a week after their wedding which means I will be as fit as is possible for the wedding as a consequence I am really looking forward to it.

Also this week I got through my works medical with the recommendation of  'light duties'. I was 'over the moon' with the outcome and to celebrate Stella and I went to Zizzis for lunch we had the sharing antipasti and an excellent fish stew, beautiful company, sparkling conversation and good food; what more can a man ask . I am looking forward to this first step back to normality. I genuinely believe that mental agility is as important as physical fitness and the idea of having a challenging task to deal with is a prospect I am looking forward to. My light duties come with some ties, I have to avoid unnecessary fatigue and exposure to any virus to this end I will be mixing my work pattern between working remotely from home and going in to the office for specific tasks. Attending fires is still some way off but it is, at least, on the horizon.

Another pleasant surprise this week was that I can keep my current lease car until I retire (Feb 2013). I thought with the lease ending in August I would have the complication of replacing it, small but a concern removed none the less.

Third Cycle

Third cycle in and I am taking it a little easier than the previous two, I have realised that the 3 days following infusion knock me out quite substantially. I am still getting annoying hiccoughs in this period but I have some drugs to counter the uncomfortable indigestion I was suffering. My drug collection seems ever expanding. Some disappointing news was that I will have to inject myself with Fragmin for the duration of this treatment I was hoping that this would stop after a couple of months, oh well.

Saturday before last was Martha's first holy communion and as has become tradition we went for lunch at Pizza Express afterwards. We had a good time but I found the day knocked me out and I had to go to bed when we got home. I think this was a residual effect of the virus I had had the previous week.

Later in the week Stella and I went to my Aunt Shirley's funeral, the service was very good and the eulogy, done by one of Shirley's sons in law was very moving and poignant.
Interestingly, to me they have always been just Uncle Frank and Aunt Shirley but back in the fifties they toured through France and into Spain on a BSA. This at a time when there were no auto routes with convenient petrol and rest stops and if a British bike made it from London to Johnson's cafe on the A20 in one hit it had outstripped reliability expectations. In my eyes this makes them truly pioneers of European motorcycle touring.

On a slightly down beat, I have felt quite low this week I can't really put my finger on it, everything is positive and with starting the 3rd cycle I feel I am turning a corner. Still, I feel close to tears at times for no apparent reason. I was disappointed at not getting through my medical in June and these last few weeks have been tough emotionally and physically and it may be this that is affecting my moods at the moment. I am hoping that time and a more definitive immediate future path will help clear these 'blues'.