Joyeux Noel

Went to the Kent Oncology Centre yesterday to get the results of the CT scan, the waiting area was packed, who would have believed that an oncology centre could have a Christmas rush!
Stella and I waited about an hour  and a half to see the consultant; as we walked into his office he shook our hands and said "the scan is clear" , fantastic news that is only sinking in this evening. The consultation took all of 5 minutes, he discharged me from the oncology department and, as a parting gift (?), sent me for another blood test.
I will have to have a blood test every 6 months and a scan annually, a small price to pay for peace of mind.
Only one hurdle left between me and a surf trip, surgery and recovery in the New Year, I'll wax my board.

I have volunteered to take part in a research programme looking at the genetic structure of people who have suffered with  (bowel) cancer, I feel I want to be involved in the struggle against this terrible disease.

In other news, Stella and I went for a Christmas meal at 'The butcher and Grill' in Battersea with friends from work last night. This proved to be a good way of celebrating our news, we didn't get to bed until 1 o'clock in the morning, far and away my latest night for a long time.

The world suddenly looks a brighter place.

Movin' on

A fortnight ago, Stella and I went to Birmingham to see Steve Harley (of Cockney Rebel fame for those of a certain age) I'm not a massive fan but Stella has stalked this individual since 1974! All that said the concert was exceptional and well worth the visit. The weather was atrocious and this had direct impact on the numbness in my hands and feet, this condition is very temperature sensitive and is noticeably improved in warmer times.
I had the official result of the contrast enema last week, the wound site is healed and healthy. Very good news and although this is what I expected every test brings it's own trepidation, on that note I also had the CT scan on the 12th which I'll get the result from on the 17th, as I say its the waiting for results that is the hardest part. Although I'm confident that the CT scan will prove as positive as previous tests there is always a nagging doubt.
Despite the fact that I told the CT operative when she asked that I'm allergic to the sight of blood, especially my own, she couldn't resist telling me that " we had a gusher" when she tried to insert the cannula in my arm. Fortunately I was already laying on the scanner's bed with my feet slightly raised!
Also in this last fortnight I have been walking a lot more, pushing out the distance and terrain, I can see a definite improvement in my  personal fitness and go for a punishing cross country walk at least once a week. I'm not up to cycling yet  but my mid term aim is to get out and do some miles on my mountain bike before the end of the year.
We have a meeting with my surgeon on the 27th to pin down a date for the operation to close my stoma and repair the hernia, this will be a truly welcome Christmas present.

Ouch!

The title sums up my enema experience, it was as uncomfortable and a little less than dignified which is to be expected. However, some very good news, the doctor told me that there wasn't any obvious leak from the wound site. This is significant as any leak would complicate further surgery.
Next stage is the CT scan of my chest and liver in December, surgical consultation with surgery hopefully early in January.
I'm actually looking forward to 2013 (and still praying that the Mayans are wrong).

Plus one week

One week on from completing my chemo and I'm feeling pretty well all things considered. We went to France for the half term, the Somme, returning this weekend, we were very lucky with the weather and had mostly clear sunny days. This break was in complete contrast to the one we had in June in Devon, it was very relaxing, we ate at some very pleasant restaurants, took a trip on a hundred year old steam train and generally had a very easy time.  We went back to St Valery Sur Somme where the kids took these photos:

 

This bar is same one that I am having a coffee in at the beginning of this blog before I started on this journey, I have to say I feel much better in these photos than I did in that first one. I'm still sensitive to the cold and my feet and fingers still feel numb but this seems to be receding slowly.
My toilet habits are becoming more normal, that's to say I only have to empty my 'bag' 2 or 3 times a day. While I was receiving chemotherapy this could be up to 6 or 7 times a day with regular trips to the toilet throughout the night. Overall I'm pleasantly surprised at how quickly the side effects of the chemotherapy subside and am looking forward to the continued return to normality. The most frustrating things I get annoyed with ( I'm not a tolerant patient) are how weak I still feel generally and the imposition of the hernia (site of the stoma) on my movements and the uncomfortable fit of my jeans. Small beer I suppose but annoying just the same.
This week I have the particularly unpleasant prospect of a 'contrast enema' , words that can strike fear into the most strident heart, this is to check the site of the tumour surgery to ensure that there isn't any leakage and that the wound has healed. I should be pleased because this is the first stage of the end game but I can't help feeling a little intimidated.

Final cycle

Friday just gone I started my final cycle of Chemotherapy, this nearly didn't happen as on my blood test on Wednesday my platelet count was borderline at 90 (The limit for continuing is 100). I put my lowered count down to a busy week which saw Stella and I walking a fair bit with me completing the whole circuit of our Knole walk, something I haven't managed for some considerable time, I also went to Gabriel's open evening which went on much longer than I anticipated. Stella and I also partook of some more 'adult' exercise this week which probably helped to deplete me a little (nice all the same). Suffice to say that I received a phone call from the hospital early on Friday morning asking me to come in a couple of hours early to take another blood test before my treatment and that if my count hadn't improved they would have to reschedule. This was a blow as I did not want this part of my treatment to drag on longer than absolutely necessary, not least because it would throw out the time scale for the rest of the treatment, scan, result, surgeon consultation and surgery. Also we have booked to go away in half term with the kids, this change would have threatened that trip. The journey to the hospital was a bit fraught to say the least as Stella and I were both locked into our own thoughts and were not conversing in our usually upbeat fashion.

On arrival I went straight to the blood test station and had blood taken. Once again there was tense hour and half until I was called to Charles Dickens ward, where I receive my infused chemo, I was settled in to my relevant station and told that my platelet count had increased to 104 and as such I would start this cycle. Stella and my relief was palpable despite the fact that I dread the next couple of days as they can be unpleasant I was very happy with this outcome as it put everything back on schedule.

While I was being settled in Stella left to go shopping, pick up Martha from School and return to pick me up. On her way out she spoke to a family that had been in the waiting area at the same time as us. She asked how they had got on and sadly the news wasn't good for the Dad, his brain tumour had returned with a vengeance and there was no further treatment that could be given. His comment was "This cancer is a bastard" but that he was going to "enjoy what was left to him". I felt this put my concerns over delayed treatment into perspective, I felt like an ingrate. 

New arrival

Congratulations to Mark and Hannah, baby Sophie born Sunday evening 22:38hrs weight 8lb 10oz . Mother and Baby both ok, Phew!

A year in review

As I write this we are waiting for news of the arrival of Hannah and Mark's baby, she has gone in to hospital to be induced today, 21 September, the whole family is collectively holding their breath in anticipation.

Tallulah returned from a 3 week holiday in Mexico with her Mexican friend Tania. They were largely the guests of Tania's Dad and her extended family, they obviously had a great time because Tallulah hasn't stopped talking about it. However, while they were there they went to a 'witch doctor' for a 'cleansing', part of this process involved spraying the girls with a dubious chemical which removed the beautiful tan that they had cultivated previously; buyer beware has never been so apt! Fortunately the skin damage isn't permanent  although the tan will have to be worked on carefully next year.

I am neither a royalist or a monarchist but I must admit I was intrigued by the recent collage of the young and old queen made up of 5000 photographs of the proletariat. My interest was piqued by the fact that both Martha and Stella's brother, Doug, featured in the  portraits, Stella, Martha and I went to see it at Rochester Cathedral with Stella's Aunt Jean and Steph, her oldest sister, the photos of both were instantly recognisable (Doug is wearing the Christmas crown and bow tie).

This picture is particularly poignant, Doug died suddenly 2 weeks after Martha was born, they never met. As a priest he had baptised most of our other kids, Martha's full name is Martha Lily Douglas Day.

It's been a year since I contacted my GP from France and started on the road that (hopefully) I am near finishing, I start the penultimate chemotherapy cycle today (21 September). The year has truly flashed by and has been a year of changes, not just for me, but the whole family there have been pregnancies, births, marriages and deaths I have never been so aware of the life cycle.
When I look back at the blog entries I think some were quite dark in content, I don't feel this anymore I think I have come to terms with my condition, although it still has the power to scare, I am much more able to rationalise my feelings and do far less 'navel studying'. The overwhelming side effect I have from this prolonged treatment is fatigue but despite this I still try to push myself physically. I have become more grouchy as time has gone on, some of this is down to frustration but the hernia caused by the stoma has become more uncomfortable since the operation to remove the tumour. It drags on both my stomach generally and my back.
 I have recently got back on my push bike and although I can't do any off road work I have managed to 'wobble' round on the road for 4-5 miles, Stella and I still go for walks regularly and after a period of these walks getting shorter we are now expanding them again. I feel cautiously confident that I will come through this trial and continue with our life together, I wasn't always this confident.
The immediate future holds a CT scan on the 3 December, the results of which we will know on the 17th, after this we see the surgeon on the 20 December to discuss reversal of my stoma. Hopefully this operation will take place very early in the New Year.
I will retire from the Fire Brigade early in the New Year and this represents a new beginning for us, I am looking forward to that challenge. As much as I have enjoyed my time in the Fire Brigade I feel ready for a change, I dare say this last year has influenced my feelings. I see the future as a virgin sheet of paper waiting to have another story written on it, quite exciting!

Wedding and other stuff

Another eventful week, started with Hannah and Mark's wedding on Saturday (4 Aug). They were lucky with the weather and got some lovely photos between the showers.That's another daughter married off with  another grand child imminent as well. The clan seems to be expanding at an exponential rate.

  The happy couple.

The whole day was a very happy celebration and despite the fact that I managed to catch a nap between the wedding and the wedding dinner I still slept most of Sunday, I can't believe how fatigue can overtake me so completely. Still it was well worth the expenditure.

Monday we went for my Chemo review with my consultant, all is going well and she has taken me off the Fragmin! I now a greater respect and understanding for diabetics who must inject everyday. Just this step has made another difference to my outlook, it is another sign that I am getting closer to completing this phase of treatment.

Tuesday I spent the day fitting some 'naughty' new exhausts and a more freer flowing air filter to my motorbike. It took most of the day and made my stoma and hernia ache I put this down to to the constant bending over but the results! The bike sounds much more fruity I can't wait to give it a spin.

I am on leave at the moment and this has given us an opportunity to do some things that we have been promising to do.We took the youngest three up to London on Thursday, we'd been meaning to take them to the Gourmet Burger Kitchen (GBK) in Southwark for some time. It's a bit more expensive than the other more recognised burger chain but the food is very good and we will go back. We did our usual stroll back to Charing cross along the South bank and enjoyed the carnival atmosphere that the Olympics has brought to the city.

I finished the week starting my 5th cycle so I am officially over half way through. The first 3 days after the infusion still make me tired and sensitive to climate but the reduction in the dose and the warmer weather have made all this easier to deal with.

Off to work

lots of movement this week in both work and treatment.

The meeting with my oncologist was very positive, the shortness of breath I experienced looks to be coincidental and not linked to the chemotherapy. I have experienced similar symptoms before, my hay fever can sometimes spill over into asthma like traits when the pollen count is high as it has been recently. None the less I had a chest xray and will see my GP about Ventolin inhalers. he (oncologist) has also reduced the level of oxaliplatin by 20% and reduced the steroid I take in the 3 days after infusion following my feedback about the last cycle. I have had the 4th infusion today (Friday) and, fingers crossed, I feel more comfortable than any previous cycles, however its early days.

Stella has gone to Portugal, this weekend, with her sisters to celebrate Kate's (youngest sister) 50th Birthday. I hope they have a great time, times have been a little cruel for the whole family this year and a break, however short, will do them all good. God knows Stella has earned some R&R, still it felt odd to go for my infusion without her 'hand to hold' as it were. Tallulah is the head of the house in Stella's absence, she is more than capable and has her Mother's strength of character.....boys beware!!

This was my first week back at work, albeit on light duties, I have managed to install the remote access (with a massive amount of guidance!) on the laptop and have already started doing some work. I think it will take a while for me to get up to speed with what is happening in the 'borough' but I've broken ground. I feel like a switch has clicked over in me changing from sickness to recovery. 


I went in to Croydon for my return to work interview and to get a brief from Nigel about what I will be expected to do. I want to try and get into the office at Tooting twice a week to start with and work from home for the remainder, of course this very much subject to how I cope with managing the work treatment balance. The picture is me on my first day back almost wearing my uniform. I have since managed to tuck my shirt in without impeding my stoma and bag. I also went to Tooting this week, as I got out of my car I felt as nervous as I did when I walked into Thamesside's (Gravesend Fire station) yard in 1983, I can't really explain this except to say I'd been in the wilderness a long time. There is a saying in the Fire Brigade 'finger in a bucket of water', when you go the space you leave back fills and you are forgotten. I needn't have worried Green Watch couldn't have been more welcoming , it brought a lump to my throat.

Busy week

This cycle I have been quite sensitive to the cold particularly in my fingers I have also experienced some shaking nerves in my hands throughout the cycle. My 'telephone review' ended with me not having infused chemotherapy today (Friday) but having a consultant review on Monday with some peripheral tests to gauge a potential side effects from the Capecitabine. I have felt quite breathless in the last week or so and this may be indicative of of a reaction to the drug, my oncologist has already reduced the daily amount of Capecitabine by 1 gram to 3 grams a day, a significant amount. In general, I think this has made this current cycle more comfortable than the previous two. Assuming the tests are successful I will have my infused chemo next Friday (20 July). I am hopeful that the results of these tests will result in further amended therapy that will make the next few months even more comfortable. Looking at some forums I can see that I don't seem to be suffering as badly with the chemotherapy as some.

There is a definite positive to this change, previously I would have had my infusion the day before Hannah (3rd daughter) and Mark get married in August. I was genuinely concerned that I wouldn't be fit enough to attend the church let alone walk Hannah down the aisle. This schedule change puts the infusion a week after their wedding which means I will be as fit as is possible for the wedding as a consequence I am really looking forward to it.

Also this week I got through my works medical with the recommendation of  'light duties'. I was 'over the moon' with the outcome and to celebrate Stella and I went to Zizzis for lunch we had the sharing antipasti and an excellent fish stew, beautiful company, sparkling conversation and good food; what more can a man ask . I am looking forward to this first step back to normality. I genuinely believe that mental agility is as important as physical fitness and the idea of having a challenging task to deal with is a prospect I am looking forward to. My light duties come with some ties, I have to avoid unnecessary fatigue and exposure to any virus to this end I will be mixing my work pattern between working remotely from home and going in to the office for specific tasks. Attending fires is still some way off but it is, at least, on the horizon.

Another pleasant surprise this week was that I can keep my current lease car until I retire (Feb 2013). I thought with the lease ending in August I would have the complication of replacing it, small but a concern removed none the less.

Third Cycle

Third cycle in and I am taking it a little easier than the previous two, I have realised that the 3 days following infusion knock me out quite substantially. I am still getting annoying hiccoughs in this period but I have some drugs to counter the uncomfortable indigestion I was suffering. My drug collection seems ever expanding. Some disappointing news was that I will have to inject myself with Fragmin for the duration of this treatment I was hoping that this would stop after a couple of months, oh well.

Saturday before last was Martha's first holy communion and as has become tradition we went for lunch at Pizza Express afterwards. We had a good time but I found the day knocked me out and I had to go to bed when we got home. I think this was a residual effect of the virus I had had the previous week.

Later in the week Stella and I went to my Aunt Shirley's funeral, the service was very good and the eulogy, done by one of Shirley's sons in law was very moving and poignant.
Interestingly, to me they have always been just Uncle Frank and Aunt Shirley but back in the fifties they toured through France and into Spain on a BSA. This at a time when there were no auto routes with convenient petrol and rest stops and if a British bike made it from London to Johnson's cafe on the A20 in one hit it had outstripped reliability expectations. In my eyes this makes them truly pioneers of European motorcycle touring.

On a slightly down beat, I have felt quite low this week I can't really put my finger on it, everything is positive and with starting the 3rd cycle I feel I am turning a corner. Still, I feel close to tears at times for no apparent reason. I was disappointed at not getting through my medical in June and these last few weeks have been tough emotionally and physically and it may be this that is affecting my moods at the moment. I am hoping that time and a more definitive immediate future path will help clear these 'blues'. 

Reports of my death are greatly exaggerated

Nigel told me that some friends at work were concerned that further chemotherapy treatment meant a relapse in my condition. I reiterated that the treatment I am under going is to prevent/reduce the chances of recurrence in the future. When I finish in early October I will have completed my 'nuclear' journey (hurrah!). 

Just before we went away last week I lost another dear Aunt, Shirley. Her death was totally unexpected and very sudden, she was a feisty woman, full of life who worked up until 3 weeks before she died. This was another terrible blow for the whole family, I have managed to rearrange my chemotherapy appointment to attend her funeral later in the month.

Devon was a bit like the Parson's egg, good in parts, for all but 2 days the weather was atrocious. I managed the drive down on the Saturday after my infusion but was shattered when we arrived. The extreme sensitivety to cold that I suffer in that first week after treatment meant that I could barely stand going outside in the inclement weather.

This picture shows how pathectic I am in that week, the gloves are thinsulate and my feet were already numb by this point. The beach was only a 10 minute walk from the chalet.
Stella ended up doing a lot of walking and taking the kids to the beach in the week, including taking Martha swimming in the sea! I on, the other hand, spent most of the time in the chalet reading or sleeping. The kids watched a lot of videos.

It wasn't all bad though....

Gabriel at Baggy point.

The kids enjoying Pasties and a sausage roll at Clovelly. Stella and I had a hot mackerel bap here and they were superb.

We also had some nice meals in 'The Thatch' at Croyde and 'Squires' in Braunton.

Unfortunately I picked up a virus and we came home a day earlier than planned, I became progressively more ill through Friday night and ended up in Pembury hospital in the early hours of Saturday morning only to be discharged at lunch time. The problem is that my treatment does have an impact on my immune system which makes me more susceptible to this type of thing, that said, talking the consultant even a 'normal' person would have succumbed. I just have to be as careful as I can to avoid contact with any such virus. I must confess that, in the early hours of Saturday, I thought this may be more sinister than it was.

I have learnt a lesson here, that first week after infusion is probably best kept with a low profile, certainly up until Wednesday. I think that driving down and back, the return journey took 9 hours and was very stressful, depleted my strength too much and contributed to the resulting illness. What I am relieved about is that so far none of the misfortunes I have suffered during this phase of treatment are directly attributable to the chemotherapy.

Finally, I am still receiving cards and well wishes from friends specifically, this month, cards from White and Blue watch Wandsworth. But everybody continues contact either through texts, phone calls, email, comments on this blog, visits or invites to 'brunch'. This contact is beyond value and continues to bolster my spirits.

A very different weekend

Thankfully, the pain and swelling in my left arm have subsided dramatically and this weekend we set out to complete Reuben's birthday celebration. We went to Borough Market for 'brunch' which was what he wanted to do last Saturday but held off so that I could go as well.
It was a glorious day and we walked along the river, stopping for an ice cream outside the Royal Festival hall and crossing the river to catch the train home from Charing Cross.

Face book photo.


I was exhausted when we finally got home and had to 'power down' for a couple of hours. I think its too early for the chemotherapy to affect my levels of fatigue, but I am still a little tender from the operation. I suspect its this and the remnants of recovering from the DVT that made me feel so tired.
Also this weekend I had brief period (less than 24 hours) of diarrhoea, I'm not sure what caused it but I drank quite a lot of carbonated drink on Saturday and I think this may have been the cause; I was warned against drinking carbonated drinks when I initially had the stoma.

Had a disappointment this week when I went for a medical for work, I was hoping to be signed off as fit for light duties. Alas that wasn't to be I am still sick pending specialist reports and have another medical on the 10th July, I will have completed 3 cycles of chemotherapy by then and will have a better long term understanding of how it affects me.

Yesterday (Thursday) I started my second cycle with the infused oxaliplatin conventionally through a cannula in my right arm. It wasn't painful just vaguely uncomfortable towards the end, I think I will use this method throughout the remainder of my treatment as it is the less complicated way of administering this drug. The initial side effects are the same as previously, initially extreme sensitivity to cold with pins and needles plus pins and needles in my arm where the drug went in, I expect this to dissipate within 5 to 6 days tailing off completely by about 8. It is all manageable and this time I have a drug (omeprazole) to counter the unpleasant indigestion and hiccoughs I had before. I take the anti sickness tablets religiously as prescribed for the first 3 days following treatment but trail them off to nothing by the 5th day they are very effective.

I feel fully recovered with no pain from the DVT and am still self administering Fragmin through injection every evening, this will be reviewed by my oncologist at 28 days but I suspect that I will end up with at least another month of injections. I am beginning to feel like a pin cushion!

I am beginning to develop a taste for the classics, I am well into the second book of Don Quixote and on recommendation I will download Voltaire's Candide to my Kindle. By coincidence I had previously heard a review of this book on Radio four's book programme.

This coming week we are going down to Croyde for the half term, I had hoped to get some surfing in myself but have had to shelve that plan for now (Bogus!). However, like any other over bearing Dad I am going to try and indoctrinate the kids with lessons and bribes to get them on a board (they're not keen and the water will be cold). We intend to have a very relaxed time and we are all looking forward to it.

God laughs at the plans men make

Returned home yesterday evening from an impromptu stay in Maidstone hospital at the weekend. After initially thinking everything was going to plan I had a pain in my left armpit, felt like bruising, which became worse through the latter part of last week. Eventually it became so intolerable that it woke me up in the (very) early hours of Saturday morning, after some debate Stella convinced me to ring the cancer emergency line. I presented at A&E and was taken straight through to a ward for assessment, I had a DVT in my left arm roughly from the PICC line insertion to my armpit (very glad I went in now!). The clot was treated with an anti coagulant (Dalteparin sodium) and within half an hour the pain  began to subside, the pain killers helped here I would imagine. I was moved to a cancer ward where the treatment continued with additional intravenous antibiotics to combat any infection and it was this plus a spike in my temperature that kept me in for a few days.
On reflection I should have gone in when the pain first manifested but I honestly didn't know how much pain was acceptable following the PICC line and infusion procedures. Apparently in a few cases a PICC line can cause the problem I experienced, I have had it removed and opted to have my next infusion in a more conventional way. Fortunately this whole distraction has not impacted on my treatment timescale with the only inconvenience being taking more drugs at home than I would have liked.

This whole episode placed a heavy burden on Stella, particularly this weekend as it was Reuben's 13th and my sister's 50th (two very significant birthdays). Not only has she had to deal with running me to hospital in the early hours and then bringing everything I needed later in the day she has had to maintain a sense of normality, celebrate Reuben's birthday and take the family to the 50th birthday barn dance in the evening the return  reports all indicate a good time was had by all.

I found missing these birthdays very hard.

Today is another day, Stella and I are going for our (now) customary walk in Knole followed by lunch in the town.

While in hospital I restarted reading Don Quixote, I had previously crashed through 250 pages and stopped, Cervantes' novel is a read that demands time to enjoy and given my enforced confinement I had plenty of it, his principle characters are both laugh out loud funny and tragic at the same time. Looking round the ward there were obvious contenders for the part of both the Don himself and Sancho making Cervantes' human observations as current now as when he wrote them.

Still early days

The weekend proved a mixed bag of experiences, Friday after the infusion I drove myself down to see the surgeon at Pembury and, other than the pins and needles, felt fine. Saturday I felt so good I did some maintenance on my mountain bike, changed the brake pads, but by Saturday night I felt dreadful. I had terrible indigestion and hiccoughs, these were so bad that I hardly slept at all Saturday night, Sunday I was completely shattered and again Sunday night I felt rough. Initially I put this feeling down to the steroids as I had no experience these drugs before and didn't really know what to expect. However, Stella did some Internet searching and the cause may the the anti sickness tablets. It seems that they can cause this sort of reaction in someone with a stoma. I am experimenting with not taking them at the moment, I never felt any nausea when I took Capecitibine previously and didn't take any anti sickness so until I can ask advice at the hospital I shall see how it goes.

Monday Stella and I went for a walk in Knole park, a very regular event now, It always feels good to get out in the fresh air and Monday was no exception. Even the pins and needles I felt in my face didn't detract from the walk. I had to sleep in the afternoon but it was a very welcome rest after the weekend.

And so to today (Tuesday) I feel fine as I write this, I seem to have recovered some of my energy. I might get my hair cut today and my eyebrows trimmed (beginning to look like Dennis Healey!). Later we're going to the hospital where Stella is going to be shown how to flush my PICC line. Assuming she is okay with this procedure the number of visits to the hospital will be reduced quite significantly.

Treatment day plus one

The pins and needles effect seems to be becoming more manageable. However I do get it in the tips of my fingers not just with an ambient temperature cooling but also if I pick up cold objects, a bottle of milk from the fridge for example. Also when I eat I get a sharp pain at the jaw hinge on the initial bite, this goes after a couple of seconds should be a deterrent to gorging on biscuits, so not all bad.
I had a shower today the first with my PICC line, Stella clingfilmed my arm just to give a bit more protection and she has already been on line and bought a more substantial waterproof protector.

In addition to the infusion here is the list of drugs I take on a daily basis through the cycle:

• Dexamethasone (steroid) 1 three times a day for the first 3 days after infusion.
• Capecitabine (chemotherapy) 4 tablets twice a day for 14 days after infusion
• Metoclopramide (anti sickness) 2 tablets four times a day for 3 days after infusion and 1 or2 four times a day as necessary.

This cycle is repeated 8 times through 24 weeks.

During the cycle I have been advised not to drink any alcohol. So, plenty of drugs (above), as much rock and roll as I want to listen too (and play badly) and as for the sex? well we'll give that a go when my lower stomach muscles and pelvis feel up to the task!

Another piece of advice was to not to sire children while I am going through this procedure, nice to know rather than need to know I thought.

I managed to move my surgeon appointment to today (Friday) so I'll get an update on that part of the treatment as well. The down side is that I suspect I will 'probed' again, not the most pleasant way to spend a Friday afternoon.

One down seven to go

Just returned from Maidstone hospital where I received my first infusion of oxaliplatin. Before the actual drug my PICC line dressing was changed, the line was flushed, then the chemo was infused, the line flushed again and we were given the tablet regimen. This whole process took a withering five hours! Hopefully the next visits will be slightly shorter. I have already felt some of the side effects associated with this drug, extreme pins and needles in my hands and face particularly when exposed to the (relative) cold. This sounds slightly effete but it was so extreme in my fingers that I couldn't pick anything up or open a biscuit wrapper. However, as I write this the effect seems to be wearing off. If  it carries on until the next infusion I have to report as it could lead to more long term/permanent nerve damage.
I was very nervous on arrival but, as throughout my treatment, the staff exude such confidence and knowledge that I found I became much more relaxed (if such a term can be applied to chemotherapy).

Once again I have enough and varied drugs in tablet form to open a small pharmacy.

Here is a picture of me receiving my first infusion and a close up of where the PICC line goes into my left arm. I had the PICC line put in yesterday and despite my fears I must say it was a completely painless procedure.

Note to self: try not to smile in every photo, it gives a distorted impression.

The PICC line enters my inside upper left arm into a vein, up to my shoulder, parallel with my collar bone and enters a large vein in my chest. I don't notice this fixing at all, it doesn't impede movement and I can safely shower with it (although swimming isn't an option). However, for me, the biggest advantage is that I won't have to have any more needles for the duration of this phase. This is because not only can chemo be put in, blood can be taken out. No more sweaty upper lip scenario at blood test time!

Note: After I made this entry Hannah came round and I opened the door to let her in. The relatively cold blast of air caused instant pins and needles in my face, principally mouth and nose, and my hands. This was unlike anything I have experienced before and felt like shards of glass, very uncomfortable. I also had an instant hot flush and felt nauseous, I took two anti sickness tablets as a precaution but on reflection I think this was just a shock reaction.

Normality

The Day household has begun to return to normality, Stella is back at work (working 2 nights a week at a local residential school), the younger kids are back at school and Tallulah is back at Uni. I have coped with getting up early to sort out the kids on the mornings Stella is working.
I crave becoming part of this normality and desperately want to rejoin the world, I still have a few hurdles to jump but am confident that I will.

One evening last week I went for a drink with some friends from work, this was a minor milestone in so far as it is always easier to say no to these invites but the risk is becoming reclusive and brooding. I enjoyed meeting up with them, listening to their woes and stories and generally having a laugh.

Also, last week I went to one of the boy's open evening, what became clear to me was that my situation has impacted on his performance at school. With hindsight (an exact science!) this should have been obvious, ripples in the pond. He hadn't told any of his teachers about me and consequently his down turn was seen as an unrelated performance issue. I explained the situation to his study group teacher and had a long chat to him about the need to let appropriate people know what's going on. He is a clever lad and I am sure he can pull it back.

I am walking 2 or 3 times a week now. I walk the same route around Knole park so that I can gauge my level of fitness. I intend to start doing some different, more taxing routes in the near future.

This week is a heavy hospital week, Wednesday Stella and I are going to Maidstone for me to have my PICC line fitted, this will take up most of the day. Thursday is my first chemotherapy session and later in the day I have an appointment to see my surgeon at Pembury, I am going to try and rearrange this as I don't know how I will respond to the chemotherapy.

I am still nervous but quite exited to get this phase underway, sooner I start the sooner I finish.

Just the medical at work later in the month where, hopefully, I will be signed off as fit for light duties. I love it when a plan comes together!

A walk in the park

Just got back from a walk around Knole park and although I am aching, back mostly, its in a good way. I went further than our usual family route and although it was at a snail's pace I still managed to work up a slight sweat, I haven't experienced that through physical effort since before my operation. This was 'try out' to see how I coped with a distance walk (only a couple of miles), as this is the only exercise I can comfortably do at the moment I intend to get out more regularly and push the distance a bit.

I didn't  get to see my Surgeon this week, his clinic was cancelled due to an emergency operation. However, I did receive a letter from him letting me know that he has arranged for me to have a 'contrast enema' to check the site of  the operation. This journey has introduced me to a whole new field of experiences as well as vocabulary, I feel fortunate to have had this opportunity.

I have also got an appointment (4 May) to have CVAD pre assessment, essentially a survey to see where best to site a PICC (peripherally inserted central catheter) or central line for the infused chemotherapy. I am still nervous about having chemotherapy but I am resigned to it and take heart from the fact that I can at least see through it to the end of treatment. Not very brave I know. I am sure that, once underway, I will overcome my nerves. 

Not quite out of the woods

The visit to see the the Oncologist held a 'surprise' last week. I have completely underestimated the amount of chemotherapy I will have, in truth I think I wanted to believe the original estimate of two weeks of tablets this was probably never realistic. The Consultant gave us 3 options involving 8 or 12 cycles for 24 weeks:

1. Just tablets ( Capecitabine) in 8 cycles of 2 weeks with 1 week free.
2. Tablets (as above) and infusion (Oxaliplatin) every fortnight (12 sessions) with a supporting pump over a 48 hour period.
3. Tablets and infusion every 3rd week without the pump.

This rather took the wind out of our sails and, to stretch the sailing analogy further, left us in the doldrums. I couldn't make a decision on the day and wanted to discuss it further with Stella before I did. I have an overwhelming fear of needles and their entry into my vein system so options 2 and 3 petrified me into not thinking with any clarity. By the time Monday evening had come, we had discussed the options and I realised that worrying about needles is akin to not having essential root canal work done because you're scared of the sound of the drill. I contacted the Consultant's secretary first thing Tuesday morning and went for option 3 with the addition of having a 'port' put in to my upper arm. This will allow easier ingress for the infusion and obviate potential complications with finding a vein.
 It is important to stress that this is curative treatment aimed at stopping  recurrence, I didn't have to go with the infusion but, as my Consultant says, it is the 'Gold Standard'. The only unknown for me here is how I will respond to the Oxyplatin, I only had minimal side effects from Capecitabine when I took it during my last round of 'nuclear' medicine. My Consultant assures us that this represents the end of the treatment and that I will get my life back when it's finished (can't wait!).

Interesting note: Bowel cancer is bowel cancer where ever it migrates to, it doesn't become liver or lung cancer just because it appears in these organs.

I have asked for the cycle to start asap but to avoid the the first week in June as we have booked a week away in Devon then and the whole family could do with a break. Sadly, I will have to put my date with the surf board on hold for a bit longer. But, assuming the Mayans are wrong and there will be a 2013 I will have plenty of time to 're learn' lost skills. Speaking of which I am once again playing my guitar (badly).

Brief update

My grievance against half pay was upheld in my absence which means I will remain on full pay for another two months. As I intend to return to work in some capacity by the end of May I don't think this will prove to be a problem.
I have appointments for both my Oncologist and Surgeon coming up in the next two weeks (16th Oncology, 26th Surgery). I fully expect a 'mop up' two weeks of chemotherapy as this seems to be the norm in my circumstance and will find out what the long term plan will be. The surgery meeting will be to discuss the results of the surgery I have just had and the stoma reversal. On the surgery note I received a phone call from the consultant at Frimley Park and everything seems very positive.

In other news, Stella dropped me at the barbers today and after having my hair cut I walked home, a distance much greater than my abortive 'post box' walk. I felt fine and don't appear to have suffered any ill effects. Hurrah!

Bitter Sweet Affair

Well that's the last of the injections, another milestone. I'm feeling much more comfortable and am staying up for longer periods.
I had my first ride in a car since coming back from hospital on Tuesday, we went to the doctor's surgery. I felt like I had escaped from my confinement and enjoyed this (minor) trip.
I still have a urinary infection and am on my third set of antibiotics. The problem is that I can't drink enough to flush out the infection without flushing everything through my stoma and becoming dehydrated. Like most things I have to find a balance, I have to drink enough to clear the infection but maintain good hydration to this end I am drinking re hydration drinks as well as water and juice. Our GP says that clearing the infection may take some time and involve low dose antibiotics for a long period. However, the situation is definitely improving and I generally feel better.

My niece is backpacking around the Far East at the moment and was caught up in the recent tsunami scare. Despite missing the evacuation bus from their hotel (!) her and her friend are both safe. What did we do before Facebook? Wouldn't have known anything about it I suppose.

We went to Sheila's funeral yesterday as well as being a bitter sweet affair this by far my longest trip and period without a rest to date. Bitter because it is heartbreaking to see Mum, Dad, relations and friends so upset; but also sweet, a glance around the congregation showed how broad Sheila's circle was encompassing very old as well as (relatively) new friends. For me, although sad, her mass was a celebration of her life. The wake was an opportunity to catch up with Uncle Dave who flew in from Canada for the funeral, other than going completely white haired he doesn't look a day older than the last time I saw him. There were people there that knew me and my cousins when we were toddlers, more than once I heard "Is that Mary's boy Johnny?" and would become embroiled in a conversation with someone that knew me far better than I knew them. I have to say I enjoyed it.
Sheila's funeral was a landmark goal target for me, I was determined to be fit enough to go. I'm so glad we did.

I have set two more milestones, coffee up the town with Stella (a date!) and a walk around Knole park. Slowly but surely I'm coming back.

Back from the dark side of the moon

This is the first day since my last post that I have felt I can concentrate long enough to write. The walk to the post box was  big mistake and I think was largely euphoria/morphine induced. I paid for my impudence the next day, as indeed did Stella rubbing my back and it was for hours!
Good news is I am not incontinent and had no use for the 'Tena man' pads Stella mentioned. I still seem to have the remnants of a urine infection though and am writing this waiting for a call to pick up a prescription.
Sheila's death was a hammer blow, she had been ill for some time and was a frequent hospital visitor. She and I would compare hospital experiences she had a very grounded approach to her predicament that I found both refreshing and reassuring I will miss her terribly.
I am generally moving toward recovery but it feels like a slow grind, much harder than from the original stoma operation.
As for the injections; I figure some people have to inject themselves all their lives I can handle 26, after all I only feel a little prick.

Slowly but surely.......by Stella

Well, it's been almost two weeks since John's excruciating journey back from Frimley Park. John's Dad, (also named John) was kind enough to drive me there to collect him. He looked good in hospital and deteriorated visibly, minute by agonising minute on the way home which was no reflection on the Land Rover or the driver just an indication that trying to sit up straight for an hour is easier in a comfy hospital chair than it is when being jiggled around in a car. He staggered up the stairs on our arrival home, ashen and visibly in pain, visited the bathroom and let me help him into bed. He barely spoke to anyone. Most of our children were downstairs, visiting for Mothers' Day. Some of them popped up to see him and our daughter, Naomi (the midwife) came up to show me how to do his daily injection of anticoagulant. It's a doddle. The needles are lovely and sharp and it doesn't hurt me at all!
I felt he'd left hospital far too quickly and the worry about his health was a real burden to me. He had only had the urinary catheter removed on the morning of the day he'd left hospital and was certainly not passing water normally when he arrived home and frankly hasn't been since. But things are improving. He measures the quantity he passes and that's  steadily increased but although he has, since leaving hospital, been treated for a urinary tract infection (ever seen a sample that looks like chicken soup?) it hasn't completely gone as the cloudy consomme I took to the surgery on Friday proved but we must wait until Monday to provide another sample that can be tested in the afternoon and  then yet more antibiotics can be obtained!
I'm getting to know the doctors and the chemists very well now. I've ordered more and more different types of pain relief for John (some drugs like co-codomol disagreed with him). I've bought hot water bottles, urine bottles and even Tena for Men!! The guy in the chemist asked if I'd like a bag for the Tena for Men. I smiled. "Don't worry" I said "They're obviously not for me".
Despite the problems with the infection John is improving. He's sleeping a lot but his periods of being awake are becoming longer and tonight he feels comfortable enough to let me sleep in the bed with him. So goodbye lumpy sofa and Tesco Value sleeping bag and hello comfort and clean sheets!
He's had a few visitors. His parents visit once a week, usually at lunchtime, when he's more likely not to be in bed. Our friend Mark has visited and enjoyed tea and cakes with me in the blissfully warm mornings in the garden we've been having.....but he hasn't seen John. Nigel Miles visited on Wednesday and presented John with his Queen's Jubilee Medal.....another one for the collection/pant drawer. It was nice for John to see Nigel and briefly discuss a few work matters but I think John looks forward to better times when they can go out and enjoy a nice fat greasy breakfast together!
On the friday after leaving hospital John's lovely Aunt Sheila died, quite suddenly, of a heart attack. I heard by telephone and told John when he woke up in the afternoon. It was so sad to see him so upset. I bought a few sympathy cards for John to write on and like a fool I let him walk down to the post box to send them. That wasn't a good idea. He didn't feel the effects until the next day but his back was in  terrific pain and nothing helped other than letting me rub it.......... for hours.

We managed a very short walk this evening, maybe 200yds (I'm no good at measuring distances) and he made it back in one piece. It was great to get some cool fresh air in his lungs but it was a very short walk. Slowly but surely he'll get there. I took a picture of him.
And here's a picture of John soaking up the unseasonably warm March sun.

Like the dressing gown?

Notes from a small ward

While I was in hospital I made some notes for this blog entry, some are a bit raw, some may seem trite and some may seem to be cloying but I want to record this journey as honestly as possible. I have decided they should be verbatim so here goes:

15 March: Stella came in with Dad tonight, can't remember much of the conversation. Stella's had her hair cut, she is beautiful.

16.March: On F8 (ward) feeling very low. Mum, Dad, Sally, Tabitha (she arrived earlier than the others), Jemima and Paul. It was good to see Tabby. Can't pretend to be happy, I feel like this is never going to end so scared. Just want to be with Stella.
My emotions swing wildly from overjoyed to tearful especially when thinking about the kids.
Later: Injected myself (anticoagulent) tonight for the first time. I am going to have to do this when I get home Yuk!

17 March: On the upside, recovery seem good I'm walking much further than recommended by the physio. Inside my stomach feels bruised (to be expected) and I feel vaguely like I need a poo, I think this may be down to bruising in my rectum. The Consultant is very pleased with progress and the symposium; showed me footage on his phone! The numb area around my stomach seems to be receding and I think I am begining to feel my bladder again. I still have a catheter (depressing) but they will take it out tonight (Saturday). I'll be in at least until Sunday possibly Monday. The Consultant says there is no reason why my stoma can't be reversed (v. positive). He had to 'remake' my stoma during the operation and did consider reversing it then! part of me wishes he had.

The staff here (Frimley Park) are fantastic, showing unbelievable tolerence, forberence and kindness.  Their little joke was to say 'Medication time' every time they brought the drug trolley around the ward. However, being on the ward is very depressing.

Not verbatim bit
While on the ward I met and got chatting to an 88 year old guy who looked like catweazle. He had been in a tank crew on D-Day, being landed by the americans, wounded, patched up and sent back. He said he had never seen so many dead bodies, human and animal. He also related a story of an encounter with a German Tiger tank ended with his best mate being killed. He was demobbed in 1947. He never did remembrance day parades because of the memories they brought back.
Our conversations showed me two things; Everybody has story to tell and war leaves very deep and long lasting scars, something we should all give more thought to.

Still Smiling

Well. Here he is today; a day after surgery;  laughing , smiling, joking and walking around with his drip. Our friend, Mark took us to the hospital on Wednesday. We had to be there at 7.30am. I set my alarm for 5am but inevitably woke at 3.20am having had a panic nightmare about sleeping through the alarm. I laid awake until almost 5am, switched off the alarm and woke John. It felt so strange, getting up early, putting bags in the boot, driving up the M25 and then not turning off for Gatwick.
On arrival at the hospital John was admitted to the pre-op ward and Mark and I waited in the waiting area. John  re-emerged to say goodbye clad in a dashing new black and white striped dressing gown. He looked like a giant humbug on a pair of hairy legs. We laughed and said goodbye. There was really no point in hanging around and I was home by 9am.
I knew he was third (and last) on the theatre list and that it would probably be 11am before he'd begin the operation so I decided to do what girls do in times of crisis and drove to Sevenoaks for a little retail therapy and a badly needed haircut. I'm very pleased with my new shoes!......and the bob.
The hours passed, no news, the phone rang and rang and still no news....just well-wishers. By 5pm I was beginning to feel just a little anxious and decided to ring the hospital. I was told that John was in the recovery room but he wasn't. In fact he was still in surgery until 6.30pm and the surgeon phoned me at 6.45 to tell me that the operation had gone well, as expected.
John remained in the recovery room for a long while, only going up to the ward at midnight. In the early hours he gave them all a scare with an alarming rise in his heart rate but the staff there soon got it under control. I'm bloomin' glad they never rang to tell me!!
John's dad took me to see him today. Considering what his body went through in the last 24 hours he looked remarkable. He was in good spirits and we laughed and joked quite a bit. His hands were a little swollen, his shoulders ached, he has an oxygen tube into his nose, his body hair's been shaved like he's featured in a Tom and Jerry cartoon and by the looks of it they super-glued his eyes together incase he woke up under the anaesthetic.
I love him.
Stella.
And finally via text message from John just now, a message for the blog"Feeling bruised and tired but relieved and looking forward to recovery."

Sunday Ride to Rye

I took advantage of the decent weather on Sunday and went for a ride on the bike down to Rye. Going early ensured I avoided the traffic and the roads were blissfully empty, free of speed cameras and mostly dry which meant I could let the bike stretch it's legs. When I got there I had a bacon sarnie and a cup of coffee sitting outside the cafe, soaking up the early morning sun. I blasted back home in time for lunch and to watch England narrowly beat France, watching England play rugby is always masochistic and this game was no exception. This was a thoroughly selfish day but will be the last for some weeks to come.

Stella and I went to Zizzi's for lunch on Monday we both gave the usual pizza a body swerve (rugby analogy) and went for shared antipasti for starters and fish dishes for main. The meal was very pleasant and the conversation was around another new arrival to the extended day clan. Hannah is pregnant, while we are both thrilled at this prospect it will make us Grand parents for the fourth time!

This just can't be happening to the 'Peter Pan couple' as my friend Mark refers to us. We still see ourselves as Hansel and Gretel hand in hand lost in the woods, not brother and sister obviously.

And so to today, Tuesday, less than 24 hours before we go to Frimley Park. Mark has volunteered to take Stella and me tomorrow. I am relieved, I would have worried about Stella driving home on her own after dropping me off. I am sure that this is a load off her mind as well. I have already received 'good luck' phone calls and text messages from family and friends, its always nice to know you are in people's thoughts. I don't feel nervous about tomorrow but I am 'stoked' (surfing analogy) about the operation and am already thinking beyond it to recovery, no doubt the nerves will come nearer the time.

There is a scene in 'Jaws'  where Robert Shaw relates his experience of waiting to be rescued from the sea to Rod Schieder and Richard Dreyfuss. He says that its not the days, spent in the water, that are the most frightening but the moments before being rescued. I can relate to this feeling, I have been paranoid about picking up a bug this last week for fear of my operation being cancelled, this has got worse the closer the time has come. To avoid colds I have overdosed on vitamin C, oranges and honey and lemon drinks I have also been drinking precautionary cold remedy drinks. I will only be completely happy when I am prepped and ready to be operated on.

I  have attached a 'Youtube' link to a video presentation of the Da Vinci robot in operation, its interesting but not for the faint of heart.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WgVoN8qNsz0

That was the week that was (2)

The 29th of February brought a proposal for me this year, it came from the secretary of the consultant at Frimley Park to go down for a consultation about robotic surgery. I went on Thursday to discuss this possibility and ended up being 'Pre-opped' for surgery on the 14th March!
This is better than I had hoped for, the compromise is that I agree to be used as a training session to be conducted by a Korean surgeon considered to be one of the foremost practitioners of this surgery in the world. The operation will be 'streamed' to surgeons in Portsmouth and shown live; my 15 minutes (7-8 hours actually) of fame.

I must get the bathroom re-decoration finished this week, its taken me longer than the pyramids so far!

Also this week I received notification that I would be put on half pay at the end of the month. Although I was expecting this it still comes as a shock. I feel exasperated, I think  my 'basket' is full enough without the extra distraction of appealing this decision.
However, after contacting work and discussing the situation I know how I will lodge my appeal.
I am keen to get back in the yoke and the foreshortened recovery period that robotic surgery offers will help toward this considerably.

I am still getting out on my bike, usually twice a week now, but despite this my weight has crept up to nearly 14 stone!
All the experts say not to worry that I will lose weight after surgery but I am dubious; they said that after my first bout of surgery and again after the nuclear portion but my weight has steadfastly gone up.
Whilst I appreciate that this is a healthy sign and I am indeed becoming fitter, after I have recovered from this round of surgery I want to address this predicament.

I had a sports massage this week, my first ever, felt much more elastic afterwards, I might try and make this a regular fixture.

Light at the end of the tunnel

Just got back from the consultation with my surgeon, the very good news is that the Chemo/Radio therapy has worked and the cancer has not spread. The tumour has been shrunk to an operable size.

My surgeon will write to his counterpart at Frimley Park (where there is a Da Vinci robot) and arrange a consultation for me. This does not necessarily mean that this will be the route I go down but it does give an opportunity to discuss this option.

I am looking at 3 weeks before I would have conventional surgery and possibly longer before laparoscopic surgery but the shorter recovery time associated with this method will balance out the potential difference in total time involved.

Needless to say both Stella and I are extremely pleased and relieved with this news. Although we both feel strangely anticlimactic about this outcome(?)

Another week!

Just been phoned by the hospital, I'll be sent an appointment for this Friday.. another week. Fuck!

Failure to fire

Went to the hospital on Friday but didn't see my consultant. He was called to surgery with no prospect of returning in time for his clinic. I did see one of the nurses though, I will be called early on Monday (13th) about an appointment outside of clinic times.
I am disappointed but have to be philosophical, any delay in surgery puts back my progress however the nurse said that he wants to discuss surgery options including the Da Vinci robot, this could (potentially) shorten recovery and thus negate delay.

Something strange has happened to the area that has been exposed to Xray radiation, it has gone bald. Usually my body is hairier than a lycanthrope at full moon but now I look like a human patch work quilt!
This should recover according to the experts - I certainly hope so.

"T" minus One (day)

So, tomorrow we'll find out what's going to happen next. We have discussed a list of questions to ask but the list just seems to get longer the more we talk about the possibilities. However, the big ones remain the same, what (are the outcomes from the scans and surgical method), when (will surgery be done), where (will it be done) and how (long will recovery be). I think both Stella and I will be relieved once we know the next direction, 6 weeks is a long time to brood over all the different potential outcomes.

This week we have been fairly busy (I'm filling the vacuum), last weekend Gabriel, Dad and me went to the Bike show at the Excel.

Gabriel got to sit on some of the bikes. However, he was the wrong shape (no beer gut) and 30 years shy of a mid life crisis, the criterion for riding one of these!

Sticking with (motor)~bikes, I got my one MOTed and had new tyres put on it in preparation for my being fit enough to ride it this Spring.

The snow had us out and about this week as well:

This is Stella and me re-enacting a scene from love story, the kids thought this was 'Gross' though why they thought it was big escapes me!

I expressly forbade this but as in most matters domestic I was ignored.

This was sprayed onto the wall of the motorway underpass, street art or graffiti?
This weekend will be another busy one as it will be Gabriel's 15th birthday.

Once more into the fray

 Just got back from hospital after having both MRI and CT (Computerised Tomography) scans. While we there I took the opportunity to visit the Stoma nurse and talk to the surgeon's team, the hernia around my stoma seems slightly enlarged; after some discussion I think I will have to stop going to the gym for the mean time as, despite using machines and not free weights, the consensus (between Stella and Maggs(the stoma nurse)) was that this was the probable cause of the strain on my stomach. No problem, I'll try and get out on my mountain bike a bit more as this doesn't seem to strain my stomach at all. I also wanted to ensure that my surgeon had got the previous message from me about the Da Vinci robot, he had and it will be discussed at the team meeting prior to my meeting with him on the 10th, I feel some relief at this.

Getting back into hospital visits with Stella driving me about has brought my treatment back into sharp focus, for 6 weeks we have had the luxury of unadulterated free time together and its been great!
I must admit to being a little apprehensive about today because despite feeling radiantly healthy these
scans will, starkly, portray the true state of my health, I hope they reflect the way I feel.

On a lighter note, for the CT scan I had to drink a ghastly brew, fluorescent yellow in colour which caused a 'flushing' panic when I used the loo after the scan. The stuff just 'glowed' in the pan menacingly, refusing to disappear on the first and second flush only grudgingly retiring on the third. My God, what are they putting in my body!

Now it has all started up again I find I want to get on with it and am eager to get to the end.

Intervening period

This week I have been trying to improve my general fitness, following on from my mountain bike ride at the weekend I have been in the gym twice, once with Gabriel and once on my own. I've obviously pushed a bit hard as I slept for 12 hours last night but generally I continue to feel more and more healthy and, now, fitter.

I see this period as a recovery time in preparation for surgery in February and I am on course to be as strong as possible for that event. I have sent a question to my surgeon's secretary about a possible alternative to open surgery which involves a machine called a Da Vinci robot, this machine is supposed to make the surgery less invasive and, potentially, less damaging to the surrounding area. I have a GP appointment tomorrow and will follow up my email with her (the GP) then. I will be exploring this possible option with my surgeon at our meeting in February.

Stella and I have been using this period to get out and about as much as possible and recently we went to Borough Market (a regular haunt) and had an excellent breakfast in 'Maria's cafe'. After this we went to the Tate modern, Bank side Gallery and then walked along the river, catching the train home from Charing Cross. It was a sunny but cold winter day.

Birthday week

This last week I went to the gym for the first time since I was diagnosed back in September. Initially I used the the machines in the 'express area' these use tensioned cables rather than weight plates, after a workout using these machines I had a go on some of the heavier chest workout machines. I can't use free weights at the moment because the stoma is cut through my stomach wall picking the weights up and balancing them for exercise would put too much strain on my stomach possibly causing more muscle damage. I suspect my days of washboard abs and ripped pecs are behind me, despite this I intend to go to once a week to supplement my cycling.

I managed to get out on both my mountain bike and my motorbike (a first since September) this weekend. Paul, Our son in law or as I prefer to think bespoiler of our daughter, came with me for the cycle ride; having someone else with me gave me the confidence to go much further off road than I had previously dared. Despite the fact that I had to rest frequently we completed the biggest circuit I have done since early last year. This represents a massive psychological achievement.
I took my motorbike on a 30 mile circuit of country lanes, using these mostly empty lanes allowed me do some 'spirited' riding. I was a little rusty but got into the groove fairley quickly, the only problem I had was not being able to completely do the flies up on my leather jeans this caused a worryingly unpleasent cold draught.

Martha gave me a Birthday card on Friday last week. In the true spirit of recycling she put my age at 53 (a year out) and told me it doesn't matter and that I could use it next year. It is a lovely card though.

Joyeux Noel et Bonne Annee

No more pain in my groin at all! I actually feel healthier than I have for a very long time, this seems ironic considering I have been exposed to more radiation than all the X men put together (I haven't discovered any super powers yet!). I think this is an indicator of how ill I had been for some time without being aware of it. My fitness level has definitely suffered through my treatment I will spend the next few weeks before surgery building it back to a reasonable level. Although I feel positive about my condition I must admit that I do still have the spectre of migration at the back of my mind, the scans on the 30th will hopefully dispel this fear and I can concentrate on the surgery in February.

Ah Nice, birth place of Giuseppe Garibaldi, home of Henri Matisse and the Savoy, as Italian as it is French an achingly beautiful city. We had a wonderful time there, ate in some spectacular restaurants and cafes. The temprature was a balmy 17 degrees with a sunny clear blue sky. Despite the warmth the locals insist on wearing heavy furs and winter coats, I think this has more to do with fashion than climate.

This is the view from our hotel room.

This Christmas bauble was huge and had a seating area insde it.

Me giving the locals some pointers.

Hmmm yacht or pied-a-terre with my commutation?

We have been going to Nice for 10 years but this year was special initially, in my darkest moments, I didn't think I would be here to go and then I wasn't sure until the day we left whether I would be fit enough to go. I am so glad we went.